


If Only I Had Known

by DangItAll



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angry Yuuri, Angst, Break up AU!, Crying Yuuri, M/M, Regrets, Sad viktor!, Soft of happy ending, Viktor with a K, Yuuri is a dancer, but they dont get back together so..., chris doing what he does, crying Viktor, dancer yuuri, money problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-13 18:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15370665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangItAll/pseuds/DangItAll
Summary: Victor and Yuuri have broken up. Both appear at a club. After their relationship ended, Yuuri became a dancer because he can't bring himself to skate. The two ex-lovers lock eyes at the club as Yuuri takes to the stage with a last minute song change. The song is clearly a jab at Victor and Viktor can't help, but feel like the lyrics fit Yuuri perfectly.





	1. Never Again

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so.. be prepared because this is gonna be angsty. But I mean its a break up AU so what can you expect? Have fun!
> 
> This is not beta'd so I apologize in advance for any mistakes. Also clubbing is not really my thing so I'm sure those scenes are probably super inaccurate.

Viktor promised himself he was going to have a good time tonight. After nearly two months of feeling depressed and sitting in his own filth,  he needed a distraction. However, it still took Chris 2 hours and a series of bribes to convince Viktor to get out of the house.    
\---

Viktor grumbled to himself as he entered the club. If he had known Chris would leave him within five minutes to find someone on the dancefloor to grind on,  Viktor would have declined more thoroughly. 

 

_ Ugh,  _ Viktor thought to himself,  _ I should just get a taxi and go home.  _

 

Instead, however, he resigned himself to a dark corner of the room trying to at least pretend he was having a good time. He settled down with a drink and sat back to watch the comings and goings of people on the dance floor. 

 

Viktor sighed and closed his eyes as he leaned his head back until it rested on the cold wall behind him. The same 13 seconds that had been tormenting him for weeks replayed in his mind. It was during these 13 seconds (Yes. Of course he had counted)  that Viktor’s life had gone to shit. His world falling to pieces around him. The door slamming shut after a few heated words leaving Viktor lying broken on the floor sobbing. “Yuuri,” the Viktor of the past cried softly. _Yuuri..._ Viktor opened his eyes. His icy blue ones meet the soft brown of eyes he knew far too well.   
_Yuuri..._ _Yuuri?_ Viktor shook to attention. **_Yuuri?!!_**   
  


Slowly Yuuri dragged his gaze from Viktor’s as he made his way across the dance floor towards the DJ’s booth. He was wearing black stilettos, a pair of tight black boxers, and a dress shirt that was unbuttoned down the middle and hung loosely by his shoulders. What struck Viktor the most about his appearance, however,  was his expression. It was one of those things Viktor was unfortunately all too familiar with. Yuuri’s facial expression was practically screaming: I'm here, but I really don't want to be.    
  


Viktor couldn't keep his eyes off him.  _ That was Yuuri!  _ **_His_ ** _ Yuuri _ ,  _ or... _ Viktor cringed as he remembered, _ or at least what used to be. _ Yuuri made his way back to the dance floor only this time he was dragging a chair out with him. Everyone had cleared off of the floor as Yuuri took center stage.  _ Oh god _ thought Viktor.  _ Yuuri... please...don’t tell me... _ The music started and Yuuri began.  His body moved to the music; he seemed to create it as he went through his routine.  _ Oh, Yuuri how… How is this what you’ve become? _  Viktor found himself dazed and confused. He couldn't bring himself to watch, but he also couldn't bring himself to look away.    
\---

Yuuri’s POV:

 

After the Grand Prix, the inn had fallen onto tough times, Yuuri’s student loans were coming back to bite him, and his family had regrettably told him they couldn’t support him much longer. However, everyone assumed it would work out because Yuuri would be able to support himself through his skating, but he just couldn't bring himself to skate after…    
  


  
Viktor. Yuuri’s mind blanked. One word repeating in his head like a broken record.  _ Viktor _ . Yuuri’ found himself staring into the cold blue eyes of his ex.  _ Why? Hasn’t it been enough? Viktor... _ He took a deep breath to steal his nerves. With one last look, Yuuri made up his mind. He walked over to the DJ table and with a quick song change fueled by pent-up anger and disappointment. He grabbed a chair from one of the side tables and made his way to the center of the room. Someone had dimmed the lights except for one blinding spotlight focused on center stage. He took up his position in the center, arms outstretched in front of him. He looked almost fragile in that position, but there was an uncanny fire lurking behind his eyes. 

 

The music started as Yuuri brought his hands into his chest before walking a slow circle around the chair. He looked hungry like a preparator preparing for a hunt. With one fluid movement, Yuuri swung his leg over the chair until he was straddling it backward. However, as Yuuri danced it became clear that he was not in the club. He was trapped. Weighed down by his past heartbreak. 

\---   
“Viktor,” Yuuri whispered breathlessly. It had started with the late night phone calls, but now it seemed it was all coming to a head. Yuuri had his gaze pinned to the floor and Viktor was clearly trying to look anywhere, but the form of his lover standing before him. A long moment of silence passed between them as no one made a move to say anything.    
  


“Why…” Yuuri started, but then paused. Barely holding back tears, he swallowed before continuing. “Why didn't you tell me?”   
  


“Yuuri I…” Viktor began clearly upset.    
  


“Was it because you didn't trust me?”  Yuuri said. His voice barely breaking a whisper. 

 

“No!” Viktor responded immediately, “No, Yuuri of course not. I…” Viktor instinctively took a step forward reaching out to Yuuri.    
  


“No! Don't...don’t touch me,” Yuuri said taking a step away from Viktor. He couldn't stop the single tear from falling down his face. His eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks were visibly tinted pink.    
  


Viktor winced. Soft tears began rolling down his face, but he took a step back regardless. “Yuuri…” Viktor began. He took in a shuddering breath obviously trying to calm himself before continuing. It was a feeble attempt. “I had to Yuuri..” Viktor continued “... I...I had no choice.”    
  


“You had no choice?!”  Yuuri shouted back. The change of volume shocking both of them.   Yuuri took a deep breath and then continued. “You did have a choice Viktor! You could have chosen us! Me!” Yuuri couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. They rushed down his face carving streams down his cheeks.

  
“Yuuri... “ Viktor’s voice came again. A small whisper; a plea.    
  


“I can't Viktor,” Yuuri said closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.    
  


“You can't what?”  Viktor questioned. His voice hardening.    
  


“Stay,” Yuuri whispered. He let go of the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. “Here…” He said gesturing around the apartment. “With you. It's...it’s too painful. I...can't. Do this... an-nymore...V-viktor.” 

 

Yuuri turned to walk down the hallway to their shared bedroom. Viktor stood in the living room unable to move or say anything. Unable to stop Yuuri from breaking his heart. Yuuri walked back into the living room sometime later holding a duffle bag in his hand.    
  


“Yuuri... please,” Viktor cried softly as he grabbed Yuuri’s wrist in a feeble attempt to stop Yuuri from leaving. 

  
_ No Viktor. Not this time. _ Yuuri thought to himself. He pulled his hand free from Viktor’s grasp and after leaving his keys on the counter by the door, walked out leaving a trembling Viktor in his wake. He took a deep breath as he stepped out and his lungs filled with crisp autumn air burning his already raw throat. He turned to look one last time at the life he was leaving behind before slamming the door behind him.    
  


\---

  
_ Viktor.  _ Yuuri thought as he continued to move gracefully across the dance floor.  _ I don't think I could ever forgive you for what you did. _ Yuuri moved into a step ball change to set up for his next sequence.  _ But what I really can't forgive... _ Yuuri continued.  _ Is myself for still loving you after you’ve broken my heart.  _ Yuuri took a misstep to the side slowly falling out of sync with the music. The atmosphere in the room shifted. This was no longer a happy-go-lucky dance you'd find at a club. This had become a dance expressing the anguish and hurt felt by the dancer who performed it. Yuuri was coming undone.    
  


\----   
  
  
Viktors POV: 

  
Viktor had just begun to pay attention to the lyrics of the song when Yuuri began to make more and more mistakes.  Viktor knows the lyrics have been targeted at him. They fit his situation almost perfectly. Viktor closed his eyes. _Yuuri._ _This… This is not what either of us wanted._ Viktor thought. _I know that but... I...I need to let you go. I know you can do so much better than me. Be so much better than me. So… Please. Let me do this._ _I can't let you do this to yourself. Or at least... I can't watch you._ Viktor stood up; his legs shook and for a moment he wondered if he should sit back down again. _No. I need to leave now or I won’t be able to._ And with that Viktor stood up his jaw set as walked out of the club. The door shutting with a final click behind him.   



	2. Epilogue

 

Yuuri watch as Viktor left the club. He heard his shoes click resolutely as he made his way to the door, but it was the final click of the door shutting behind him as Viktor walked out that sent him over the edge. He managed to finish the rest of the song even as tears clogged his vision. He struggled through the last of the steps and then it was over. The crowd cheered for him, but it was only polite and nothing more. Nothing like the roaring thunders of applause he had gotten used to these past few months. Even the most dense onlooker could tell: Yuuri had given up. He had no passion in his dance and it was almost painful to watch him push though until the end.  


Celestino was more than understanding as he let Yuuri leave early that night.

\---

Yuuri was thankful to be home. He didn't even bother to clean up. He just flopped down onto the bed and welcomed the sweet release of sleep.  
\---  
Yuuri woke up as his phone went off loudly on his bedside table. He rolled out of his blanket cocoon and patted the table until he found his phone.

  
“H-h-hello?” Yuuri answered  


“Listen Yuuri I'm sorry to wake you up like this but....”  


_Oh,_ Yuuri thought, _it's just Celestino_ . Rubbing his eyes lazily and sitting up in bed, Yuuri half listened to the talkative manager on the phone.  
“And so, as I was saying, you will from here on out be released from your job as a dancer!”    


That surely got Yuuri’s attention  


“W..what?!” Yuuri replied, now painfully attentive to what his manager was saying.

  
“Like I said everything is taken care of. I'll have your wardrobe shipped back over to you. Maybe I can get Phichit to bring it over to you…” Celestino trailed off as he began talking more to himself then to Yuuri.    


“Wait slow down!” Yuuri sounded desperate as he tried to figure out what on earth his manager was on about. “Are... are you firing me? Please Celestino! I need this job. I..I…”  


Celestino quickly interrupted him before Yuuri’s panic could get too out of hand. “Yuuri! Of course I'm not firing you! Have you even been listening to what I have been saying?”  


“H-huh?”  Yuuri started his mind reeling as he floundered around trying to make sense of the conversation.  


Celestino let out a loud sigh. “Really Yuuri... ok let me start over. Yuuri congratulations! Your contract has been paid out!”  


_Huh?!_  


“I know you told me that you were only going to be working with me as a dancer until you could finish paying out your student loans and get enough money under your belt to support yourself, so when a man came in earlier today asking about you, I told him as much and he offered to buy you out of the business…”

  
Yuuri was only half listening again, too shocked to pay attention.  


“W..who?”  Yuuri questioned meekly. His mind raced as he went through all the people that could have seen him at the club anyone that could possibly have wanted to help him out in such a life changing way...- _Oh, Viktor._ Yuuri thought. _He.. he couldn't have_ .  


“Um... I didn't ask for a name. It seemed like they wanted to remain anonymous. I think he was a little of the shorter side with blonde hair. Maybe that helps?”  


_Oh,_ Yuuri thought. _I was right. He couldn't have._  


“Anyways Yuuri!”  Yuuri could almost hear his manager beaming through the phone. “Your contract has been bought out! You're a free man now. Who ever it was paid out your contract and then some with strict instructions to give the extra only to you. The good news is: I think you'll be able to pay off your student loans. The bad news is: I don't think there will be enough left to buy back that apartment you have been looking at…” Celestino trailed off. “Hey don't put that there! Ahhh,” Celestino sighed, “Anyways Yuuri, I have to be going, but I'll have someone run the documents and the extra money over to you later ok? Chao!”  Click. The line went dead.  


Yuuri stared wide eyed around his room. _What am I going to do now?_  
  
\---  
**_Bring!_**  
Viktor was staring out the window as he sat in the back of the taxi on its way to the airport. He would be heading back to Russia soon. After some thought and that fateful encounter at the club, Viktor had decided to move back. There were just too many painfully sweet memories in Japan waiting to pounce on Viktor and consume him whole. And so, Viktor had decided to move home. Although home was a loose term.  


Viktor sighed and picked up his phone as it reminded him again of the new message.  


Yurio:  
_I'm done old man. Come pick me up. Still can't believe you even have this much money to be spending on some sorry loser like him. You owe me one._  


Viktor smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. He turned to look back out the window as Japan’s landscape blurred past him and he sighed. _Goodbye Japan. Thank you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I don't know if this counts as a happy ending or not, but regardless I had fun writing it. I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I'd love to hear from you what you thought so be sure to leave a comment if you found something you liked or something I could improve!

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! How are you guys? Super depressed? Ya... sorry about that. But don't worry. It'll get better. Kind of...  
> There is an epiloge that will probably be released sometime in the next two weeks. Hope to see you there! Thank you so much for reading and your support!


End file.
